Poem Moment

Poem Moment

I was going through my journal and found an old poem I wrote two years ago. It made me realize how some things might seem that will destroy you as if you wouldn’t be able to pass through it. But then, time passes and you are okay, and whole again. We need to remember that we don’t need to put our faith or happiness on people. They should be part of it and grow from it, but they shouldn’t be the source of it. We need to learn how to be complete on our own, so people will come and share their “complete” with you, and more and more will be added to who you are.

With that being said, I am sharing the poem I wrote, because even if it’s not a part of who I am anymore, it was a part of me for quite some time. Some people might see themselves in the poem, or recognize the feelings they are having. So, for those who do I say, “It’s okay, you will get through whatever is haunting your soul, and it won’t kill you. It will make you stronger.”

Unnamed Poem:

To say okay, when you are not okay

To smile, when you want to cry

To pretend you don’t care, when you do

It’s all a mask, it’s all a lie

It’s a cry for help that you are failing to see

I’m hurting inside, how can it be?

That you neglect me when I’m near

Don’t try to find me when I disappear

But if I do, would you miss me?

Or shed a tear and move on quickly

When I would break if you ever left me. 

 

I didn’t break. I’m still here, and so are all of you.

Love,

Fernanda.

13 Reasons Why Review

13 Reasons Why Review

For quite a while, I’ve been deciding whether or not I should post this review of the TV show: 13 Reasons Why.

Some of you may know that the opinions on the show have been pretty controversial, so here goes my personal opinion:

I agree the show has flaws since it doesn’t teach people how to help someone that has been experiencing depression and suicidal thoughts. And yes, the show does romanticize the suicide theme, however, that’s what most shows and movies do: Breaking Bad with the drug business, How To Get Away With Murder with crimes, Beauty and the Beast with Stockholm Syndrome, and so on.

Despite all of this, I actually enjoyed the show. I experienced bullying myself from the age of eight till the age of fourteen, and like Hannah, I felt lost, alone, and misunderstood. Also, just like Hannah, my bullies didn’t see what they were doing as mean and disrespectful, and some may even be reading me right now, and still not realize that what they did was hurtful. Unlike Hannah, I didn’t experience things as mean or belittling, because at a young age the jokes and cruelties were more childish. Thankfully, I always had great support from my mother, who knew everything that was happening, and who supported me and fought for me. Looking back, I know I have changed so much, and I also learned that tougher things in life exist, and somehow my strength was built from it.

With that being said, I am still against bullying, because, while some people might grow from it, others might be crushed from it. We are different people, and we react differently to situations, so people can’t expect that everyone will move on and brush it off. So, I think the importance of the show is to teach people how little things they do matter, and how a joke, a rumor, or name callings can be damaging to others.

The show also approaches a very sensitive and taboo subject: rape, which is extremely important to discuss, since a high number of women—being a teenager or an older woman—experiences it, and feels judged, dirty, and a victim marked by the tragedy. 13 Reasons Why shows the extent of the problem and really shocks its viewers with the violence that it is, so people will understand that it’s not a subject that can be ignored.

For people who want to see it, I suggest you do it carefully. For those in a healthy state of mind watching it can be a learning experience, but to those who are going through depression, the show might shock you in a way that won’t be helpful. If you are struggling with something, I encourage you to seek help. Even if only one person is by your side that’s all the strength you need. Also, you are stronger than you think, and you are not alone.

1/4 of a Century

1/4 of a Century

Hello guys,

So on April 18th, I turned 25, which means I’m one-quarter of a century old. That’s right, I’m not on my early twenties anymore.

But, I’m glad I’m aging because I have been learning and growing so much, and like I always say, change is good.

For this special age, I’ve decided to create a bucket list of 25 things I must do on the year of my 25th birthday.

I’ve written down a wide range of things, from doing hang-gliding to learning how to drive a stick shift, to getting a tattoo. So far I have seven things completed, but I still have many more to finish.

It’s been fun so far, and the best part is that I’ve shared my list with my friends, so not only they help me complete my list, but also I have a commitment of finishing it because other people besides me know about my challenge.

I’ve been reading a book called The Speed of Trust by Stephen Covey, and he discusses how in order to be trusted we need to trust ourselves. And sometimes we mine our own trust by setting up goals and not accomplishing them, like for example when we set the alarm earlier to go workout but we wake up, turn it off, and just go back to sleep. This small act is making ourselves less trustworthy, and even worse, is making us stop trusting ourselves.

So, I encourage you to try doing the same thing. You know those things you always wanted to do but was always too lazy, too busy, or just forgot to do it? Write them down now and challenge yourself to complete them. See it as a mission and set a date for you to complete your list.

I bet you will feel more accomplished and empowered just like I have been feeling.

Peace always,

Fernanda

“The One and Only” Girl

“The One and Only” Girl

Hi guys,

 

I’ve written many poems in my life but never had the courage to show or post it for anyone to see, so in my new mantra of trying new things and taking risks, I’ve decided to share this little one.

It started coming to shape in my head in one of my many walks from the airplane to the baggage claim, while I was listening to Teddy Geiger’s song “For You I Will” and it sort of just came to life. Little by little I breathed more soul into it, and I was able to finish it tonight. So I hope you enjoy it and that maybe it touches you like it touched me.

“The Only One” Girl

By Artemis Moon

I’m the girl in a music video,

the one who walks around with distant eyes and a distracted smile.

A thousand worlds inhabit her mind,

but she can’t seem to fit into the one she lives in.

I’m the girl who people say should experience more of life,

but who, perhaps, just feels and sees life from a different perspective than everyone else.

I’m the girl in a portrait,

frozen in space and time as if she doesn’t belong here,

or there, or anywhere.

I’m the girl in an adventure book,

strong and fierce, but not quite real,

not quite tangible, and somehow quite damaged.

I’m the girl whose eyes can scare you,

because they carry the weight of all the expectations her mouth can’t pronounce.

I’m the girl that tries to pretend she doesn’t believe in love,

but who secretly hurts with how the world seems to have forgotten all about the magic of it.

I’m the girl that cries alone in her bedroom about her loss,

but who you will see smiling and pretending to be okay,

because she refuses to look weak.

I’m the girl who feels as if she wasn’t good enough,

when you were more than enough for her.

As if she lacked a secret ingredient,

always blend, always overlooked.

I’m this girl,

I’m that girl,

I’m any girl,

But I’m never “the one and only” girl.

Why Being in Love Means Being a Fool?

Why Being in Love Means Being a Fool?

I’ve been thinking about love lately, not just love but feelings in general. How many times I’ve seen friends being in love and hearing that they are a fool for it? And the more I think about it, the more terrified I become with the conclusion that people are so afraid of feeling something that they rather hurt someone else instead of being vulnerable and be hurt. Even worse: people are so self-centered that they can’t see outside their range.

I’m not talking about guys being jerks, or girls being shallow or none of those typical things you might hear. I’m talking about people in general. About how one person will try everything to grab your attention, while you are after someone else, and that person is after someone else, so we never find an end to that circle.

In a world where girls fight the standards to scream their independence, guys have to learn more and more how to live and share the duties of a home, where people are so “connected” instantly and language barriers are broken, still we seem to drift more and more apart from one another. Why is that?

I feel like people are scared of wanting something. Even if they say “that’s how I want someone”, they might run away when that person comes popping in their lives because they might not be ready for that. Or better yet, they might not be ready to have someone who will have so much power over them, because knowing someone may hurt you is extremely scary. So we close ourselves up in our own world, gathering a list of lovers one right after the other, always having someone to massage our ego, so we don’t have to face the truth that one person might make you feel more than all those others.

We say we want something, but when we find it, we build walls up against it. Doesn’t make sense, right? I’m not saying that we should live like romance books, where all is perfect and love is stronger than anything else. Those things are beautiful for the stories, but they are not real. Those people are not real, and no matter how many flaws a writer can give them, you can’t flush them out of the page.

No. I’m talking about people who will make you happy and laugh, who will disappoint you because you create certain expectations in your head, who will support you and fail you, who will fight you, and, sometimes, who will just be there, with none of these extreme feelings that you encounter in the pages of a novel.

Perhaps you will meet someone who will make you feel differently, and I pray that you have the courage to tell that person how you feel–which most of us lack to do. We just keep pretending that we don’t care until that person walks out of our life.

If not, you might just keep living life like a ghost, just bumping into the next person and the next, to keep pretending that you are strong or wanted.

I’m not saying that we are incomplete without someone else, not by far. I believe we all come to this life as a whole, and we can live, breathe, build a career, follow our dreams all on our own. What I’m saying is, maybe someone could be there with you, cheering you, challenging you, or helping you put your feet on the ground sometimes.

So my wish for you is to be weak and be a fool. But don’t be a fool with closed eyes and guarded heart, because you might miss something or someone who can change your life.

 

Re-learning How to be Creative.

Re-learning How to be Creative.

Ok, so let me ask you something. Creativity is a talent, right?

Nope.

I used to think that too until recently I’ve stumbled upon a course taught here in Brazil by a comedian Entrepreneur, Murilo Gun, who decided it was time to break the traditional thought that some people are creative while others aren’t.

His whole course is based upon the idea that everyone is born creative, but as we grow up, we start getting blocked from the way society makes us behave. We lose that childlike innocent creativity where everything we see is considered input for creative thoughts.

I have been suffering from creative block since I started working in a more traditional logical job, and haven’t been my normal self since then. So, I decided to take a shot at the course to see if it would help me re-learn how to be creative.

The course hasn’t started yet, however, all the “students” already created a group on facebook and on Whatsapp so we could start getting to know each other and share our experiences of the course as we move forward.

For me, just that experience is already worthy enough. Imagine about a hundred people, from different cities, backgrounds, ages, jobs, hobbies, personalities, but all with one goal of re-learning how to be creative? It’s the most incredible experience ever!

Everyone is so funny and interactive, and they all have something different to offer or to teach you that sometimes it’s even hard to keep up. I’ve been having a blast just by knowing all these crazy people just like me and felt as if I was back on the first day of college where everyone was friends with each other and we were all so united. Some of those people are still my friends, and I can only hope to come out with more friends from this new experience.

I have a feeling that they will help me towards my creative path, and that we will all have a great experience together.

So if you are feeling like you need a change, why don’t you try starting a new class somewhere? Something different and unique, with people who have the same goal as you? Get out of your shell and try meeting new people! If you are open minded and respectful of everyone’s differences, you can only come out with more knowledge about human beings and perhaps you can even change your mind about pre-conceived ideas.

Happy Creative thoughts,

Fernanda

 

 

The power of writing

The power of writing

Writing for me is more than a form of expression. It is also a form of release.

Once I really started writing, developed my own stories and got attached to my characters, I realized how some of my own feelings, desires, fears, and frustrations became real on the page.

I was going through a really tough time, and somehow by putting my own characters in my situation, I could see things from a whole new perspective. Writing helped me accept and understand certain events and people of my life.

Kiera Cass, the writer of The Selection Series, once said the same thing, about how putting her characters in her own situations, helped her deal with her problems.

Somehow you are able to detach yourself from the whole picture and take a look at things from a different point of view. By doing that you release yourself from those feelings that chain you down. You get the sensation that you lock your inner demons on those pages, instead of battling them inside yourself.

If you get people to read your work, you might even help them deal with their own demons. I let a friend read one of my works, and she said that what happened to my character hit her right in her wound. She saw herself in my character, and she felt real relief when my character said out loud everything she always wanted to say.

For me seeing how much my work impacted someone made all the effort, all the pain and all the joy I went through that inspired my story, to somehow be worth it. That’s what telling stories are all about. It’s about sharing experiences, taking people to other places, helping each other, healing old wounds, and giving courage to those who need it.

I write to understand the world, and better yet, to understand myself.

Writing is a journey, and reading is an escape.